Oh, SPAM. Spam of all varieties.

I think you get a bad (w)rap.

Maybe it’s just ‘cuz you’re misunderstood.

I think you’re just trying to find your way,

find your way to the masses.

To stake your claim on what you believe to be rightfully yours.

That’s just the “plucky” kinda guy/gal/digital thingie you are.

If you could just reach more people, more blogs and email accounts,

folks would really “get you” and not just get you.

You appreciate frankness–so I’ll get to the point.

I’ll cut through the crap (I know you have so little tolerance for crap.)

You’ve got moxy–you never give up.

Each and every time I go to my “In Box”,

you are there.

Faithful to the end.

Hey, remember that time you hacked into my Twitter account

and left “Direct Messages” for all my followers

and then made it impossible to delete those messages

and so I had to change my password

and send out an embarrassing Tweet apologizing to the few followers I actually have?

Yeah, those were some good times.

I must say I find it rather impressive that your spiders read each and every blog I write–that’s dedication.

Ooh, and I REALLY admire how you always, always leave unique comments on my blog.

I can’t tell you how fun it is to find “new comments” listed and then realize it’s you.

Again.

Ever faithful.

Girl, where do you find the time?! For reals?

And while others might not be able to see all you have to offer,

I want you to know, I do. I see your potential.

I recognize your comments as heartfelt, well thought-out and eloquently expressed.

Just for me.

And I think it’s so cute how you come back and leave those nasty messages.

You know: the ones I “accidentally” delete,

or label as “Spam”.

Because you, you despise being confined by such base,

pedestrian labels (or tin cans for that matter).

I know you don’t mean it. Not really.

So I feel it’s my place, my DUTY,

to give back.

To encourage you and inform you that there are some who appreciate you.

Appreciate your mad writing skills. 

Appreciate you for the tasty little morsel that you are. 

Don’t be modest!

Who’d like nothing better than to sink his teeth into all you have to offer.

This is YOUR time! It’s your time to to get ALL that’s coming to you.

And lest you think, Dearest, that I’m the only one out there who feels this way, rest assured–

THERE. ARE. OTHERS.

Bon appetit!

Addendum: May I be so bold as to provide a little constructive criticism? You needn’t keep sending me (or anyone else, for that matter) those “enhancement” links. You’ve done SUCH a good job of “getting the word out”, I doubt anyone is unaware of those “products”. Perhaps your efforts would be better suited elsewhere? Just a little suggestion. PLEASE and thank you.