Master of What?

There are so many things that make me scratch my head and ask, “Why?” I hesitate to add my commentary to anything on this here list because I’m in no position to judge anyone–the shorts I’m wearing at this moment took away that right (amongst other things). Still, sometimes, I just need to pose the question and answer it with, “Wha…?” Without further ado …

1. Hemorrhoid ads–on your car. Advertising the truly personal and embarrassing, not with a business card or website, but on the side of your car. I guess the bonus with this method is that your services will always be associated with your mug, just below the window. By the by, there’s a matching one on the driver’s side, too. Thought about removing the number but thought I could help the “non-surgical” cause.

2. TV in the floor of a Red Robin. No need to exert the effort for wall-mounted TV watching. Relax. Rest your necks, folks. Why raise your head when you can simply look down?

3. Why bassett hound’s get to sleep with their eyes open. Strangely envious of this one. Winston sleeps with his eyes open. He also “runs” in his sleep. He’s been caught barking in his sleep. I’ve heard him whine in his sleep. Drool. Beg. It’s all the same plus “in his sleep.”

4. Fake you-know-whats-so-don’t-make-me-say-it on the back of a vehicle. What? You don’t own a set, so you had to go buy them–in red? Are there yellow sets or tie-died sets? Just curious. It’s not my fault; I’m simply commenting on something that NEVER would have entered my brain otherwise. So thanks for that, Tennessee truck driver. Thanks mucho.

5. Christians who burn the Koran.

6. Auto-Tune on live TV “talent” shows. Auto-Tune altogether for that matter.

7. Moonshine in MY fridge. My Pops brought this back from Florida. I must add that my Pops is not someone who would typically have something like moonshine. His buddy gave this to him, and he in turn left it here for us as he was passing through. Why? By the by, I very much appreciate the spelling of “authentic” here and in this context.

8. Romance novels.

9. Ginormous wheels. Where are they going? What on earth will they go on?

10. Repeat offender. I wonder why Winston continues to jump on the furniture, eat my snack, and then look at me guiltily. I also wonder why he continues to eat my ear plugs. Where do all those ear plugs go? Get off the couch, Buddy!

11. People who bravely and unselfishly give their lives to defend mine. People who go on in the face of great tragedy. You are inspirations to one another and the rest of us who are humbled by your strength.