It was freezing that day, but I don’t remember being cold. The florist was apparently super late with all the flowers, but I didn’t notice until someone mentioned it to me. I hadn’t slept in weeks, I was so jazzed. Driving to the venue, I was chatting up my friend so excitedly, I easily became distracted, lost, and inevitably super late. Nothing like being late to your own wedding.

To quote “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” peach Kim Zolciak, “Don’t be tardy for the party. Ohhhhhhhhh. Don’t be tardy for the party…”

Yeah, I just did that–with regard to my own wedding day (just celebrated 9 years together–Woot!). Yep, I did. And I’m about to reference yet another reality show with… E!’s “Bridalplasty”–the reality show where the “winner gets cut,” yes, she does. Can’t make this stuff up. Actually, you can, or at least, somebody over at E! did. The premise of the reality series is that contestants/brides-to-be compete for the opportunity to change their physical appearance through plastic surgery (i.e., Win a challenge, get your ears pinned back). Good stuff.

Anywho, I was watching “E! News” for work–Scout’s honor, I was–and saw a promo for “Bridalplasty.” One of the ‘contestant’ brides was bandaged (she must’ve won a challenge or two) and crying because she–and this isn’t verbatim, folks–”Didn’t expect to get emotional about all of this.”

Come again? You’re getting married, changing the face and body your future husband supposedly fell in love with, undergoing intensely painful surgeries, using copious amounts of prescription painkillers, and you’re shocked you’ve become emotional?

In the words of her comic genius highness Tina Fey: “Really?”

What is wrong with this picture? To be honest, if I look at my own wedding pictures, sure, I’m reminded of my own insecurities. Yeah, I wanted to wear that gown a size smaller than it was, but I sure am elated to know the guy standing there with me could’ve given a rat’s patootie about all that.

I believe the line from Bridget Jones’s Diary says it best: “[He likes you] just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?” Happily, no. Just as I was. Am. Will be. For better and for worse. The good with the bad.

Which might be why I felt like I’d won the lottery and unhinged my jaw with that whackadoodle cockeyed grin. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Actually, there was some out of this world Southern fried chicken served that day.

Hmm… that might’ve added to the grin. Just the teensiest little bit.

Photo credit for “Bridalplasty”: Jeremy Cowart via E! network (really, really, terrifically talented photographer)