In honor of the Academy Awards Ceremony airing tomorrow night, I thought I’d share the closest I’ve come to Natalie Portman’s Black Swan performance, if I had ever been even remotely close to becoming a principle dancer in the New York City Ballet Company. Which is and was and always will be not at all, ever, never, never ever. Instead, this is what I leave you with:

Here I am (bottom left) in the Tarentella, a dance from The Nutcracker.  Nearly every last one of those girls ended up professionally dancing at some point or another. Not I, though, trust. I was sort of the smiley one (once cast as the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland=big mouth) with a propensity for closing my eyes at flashing lights, thus this photo. If you could only see the broad mouth of braces I was sporting. Middle school is never kind.

One thing worth mentioning (teens, listen up!) is I was certain I was a heifer when I was this age. Like, I would have bet my point shoes on it. Sad, I know. But never, ever, never ever, would you have caught me eating a poached egg and half a grapefruit for breakfast. Now that I can no longer eat gluten, I’m so glad the younger, smiley me could indulge in some cereal goodness. Munch on, younger self!

Yep, I’ve finally seen Black Swan for myself, and while I think Darren Aronofsky’s a bit of a genius–swan legs at the end, what?!–I still missed Jim Carrey’s contribution to the ballet world, featured on “Saturday Night Live.” Can’t wait to see if Portman takes home the big prize tomorrow night!

And youngsters, eat your Wheaties! And Coco Puffs, and Lucky Charms, and…