Milk, eggs, sugar, beans, steak, coffee, butter… Sounds like a grocery list, huh? Au contraire, buddy. This is a partial list of things I’m not supposed to eat. I’m throwing myself a wee pity party today, party of one, due to my food intolerances. A super strict diet I do follow, namely sans gluten and dairy, but when a special occasion comes my way (READ: family visits, holidays, baby showers) it’s pretty difficult to adhere to things if I haven’t been eating cleanly for awhile.

After spending a super fun weekend with the hubs, his brother and wife, and O and Ro, I find myself… ill. Not with a flu or virus, but food. YUCK. Boo. BOO! Which leads me to today and a new cleanse to get rid of the junk that’s taken up residence in my gut, leading to headaches, post nasal drip, sleeplessness, exhaustion, general mental fog, and a bevy of other inconvenient ailments I shan’t trouble you with. ENTER the detox. EXIT God in heaven only knows what.

Because I feel especially nasty, I’ll be heading back to the world of lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lots and lots of water. If you guessed that I’m partaking in The Master Cleanse, then I’d be inclined to shout out, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner!” only I won’t be noshing on chicken for awhile. For ten days I will become “angry,” as the hubs calls it, while awaiting a spring cleaning of sorts. Disgusting? Very definitely. I’ll be sure to leave out all the ugly details, but promise to include strange dreams and mirages here on the bloggo, should they arise. And they most likely will.

Besides doing my body good, a detox, cleanse, or fast–whichever you prefer– is also a good time for me to grow in meditation and prayer, when I’m not watching the Food Network or Cooking Channel to counteract the hunger pangs. Is that normal much?

So think of me, and pray that should any living things actually be living in me, that they will depart with little fanfare. Here’s hoping a shiny, new, more disciplined, detoxified self will rise from the ashes. Oh, and that my case of the “angries” is minor.

I love you, Honey.

ADDENDUM to Spring Cleaning: #CLEANSEFAIL

After having zero energy to complete even the most menial of tasks, I have nixed The Master Cleanse, opting to simply eliminate sugar, caffeine, dairy, and gluten–instead of my eliminating my will to live. (That was a joke.) Instead, I’m recommitted to the committing of myself to my normal food commitments, which still suck mucho mucho. That’s the new plan, and this time, I’m stickin’ to it. Fingers crossed. Gonna try. Heaven help me.